Not so good times

When I first started this blog I intended it to be a good place to post pics of the kids so everyone could see them growing day to day. Of course, it became a little more than that. I have written a bit about being a mom and other topics that don't include the kids at all. Now I wish I would have been more specific on my subject because now I'm not quite sure what to include.

My point being that life is really different now. As all three of you who read this know, Pop has lymphoma. There, I wrote it. That is where my confusion lies. Should I keep blogging on with no mention of this obvious life changing event? Should I run home and spill out every little detail? Should I shut down this blog and start one that just posts kids pics? Or should I just be brave and record what is actually happening. Guess that is what I just did. He was diagnosed a few months ago and is going through rounds of chemo now. We are all holding our breath for september, when he has his last round and will go into remission. We are also looking forward to September because our little nephew will be born...pop chemo/emily prego.

So it has been a hell of a year. And the hits keep on coming. Now Kizzy is at the end of her life, she too has cancer, or at least that is the vets best guess. This has happened very quickly and we are in the struggle right now. Is she suffering? Is she ok? Should we end this life? Should we let it go on? God, its so much harder than I ever guessed it would be. All of it, this life right now. It's hard to tell people about cancer too, partly because it is so "en vogue", everyone knows someone...that makes it no easier. It doesn't change the fact that my dad has it.

But of course this is the reason I did not want to write about this on my blog. It is too much, this is the stuff that is meant for journals or late night talks. Not in a written, public, lasting forum.

But I wanted all three of you to know where I'm at right now. I'm not depressed, not crazy, just changing. Trying to navigate through this simple twist of fate.

and here come the mosquitoes....(somebody cue the violin)